Her wedding day was one of happiness and merry making. But that was a few years ago when Wunmi Oyediji was still in love. Fast forward eight years and you have a completely different story from the sweet romance that led Oyediji to the altar.
Her marriage to Damilare had so much promise, but her hope of a blissful union gradually faded into a living hell before her eyes, albeit a silent one since her frustrations are being bottled up. Oyediji’s constant source of worry is her husband.
Oyediji, a banker with a reasonable income, met Damilare when he was working in an IT firm in Lagos. But shortly after their marriage, Damilare lost his job and has had none since then, except for the mostly futile hustling he does at the Computer Village, Ikeja, Lagos State capital. The village is Nigeria’s IT hub.
For over five years, Oyediji has been shouldering the financial responsibilities at home like paying their children’s school fees, feeding and clothing the family.
Twice, she has tried to set up business for her husband and twice he has been unable to account for the money invested in the businesses. On several occasions, Oyediji has caught Damilare cheating on her and on a few other instances suspected him of attempting to dupe her.
“It’s just like he’s contented with the situation because he has since stopped looking for job or trying to take care of his responsibilities at home. If I ask him for any money, he will say ‘shebi you have money, go and do it now,’” she said.
“Over a year ago, I gave him over N1.5m to get some equipment from overseas which he said he would sell at the Computer Village. Till now, he insists the goods have not arrived in Nigeria and each time I ask, he keeps giving different reasons. Some months ago, he asked for another N300,000 to clear some issues causing the delay in bringing in the goods but I didn’t believe him; so I didn’t give him.
“Earlier, I had given him about N1m for another project but nothing also came out of that one. I know he also cheats on me because I go through his phones but he always denies it. In spite of everything I do for him, he still connives with my mechanic to increase the cost of auto parts so that he can take cuts. ”
However, Oyediji is not considering divorce or separating from Damilare yet for a few reasons including the fear of raising their children without a father figure.
“Apart from the fact that I don’t want to raise the children as a single parent, I also don’t want my marriage to fail. People will say the marriage failed because I’m richer than my husband and that’s why I’m not submissive to him. But that’s far from the truth. Some of my friends wonder if I’ve been charmed but those are the reasons I don’t want a divorce,” she said.
In many of such cases, the women suffer in silence because of a range of reasons including the stigma and the cultural issues associated with divorce. In Nigeria, divorce is frowned at culturally and so divorcees often have a hard time getting someone to remarry.
[myad]
