Nigerian Actor, Beverly Osu, sits with Chude Jideonwo, host of #WithChude to share about how her father left and refused to take her with him; how her mother left for a while and how that led to her dating older men as well as how she learnt to forgive them, healing and freedom.
Beverly shared what she thought about her mum leaving: “She said she had some issues, and she has apologized severally. But there is some damage done. I feel like I have healed from that part of my life because I can’t really blame her. This is because I am growing, and I am faced with decisions. Her age and her circumstances make me think that she did what she knew how to do best. So, I can’t really blame her. There was a time I used to be really angry at her but now she is my best friend, and business partner, unlike some of my siblings who still believe that there are some of the things she could have done. There’s something they call ‘Trauma bonding’. My siblings went through that when my mum was away. We went through a lot, and because they had a better share of my mum’s experience, they felt abandoned, and rejected. Like with how smart and how they glorified her, they believed she could have made a backup plan. I didn’t have that vibe with my mum, even though I was the only girl. I was always with my brothers or my dad. I think they still really blame her.”
Speaking on her delicate family dynamic, she said: “My mum acted as daddy and mummy, so the boys expected so much from her. I feel the boys really wanted so much from her. She was our guardian and protector. She always comes for our PTA meeting and was always available. My brothers couldn’t believe she could ever make that kind of mistake”. Beverly shared about neglect she faced with her dad while growing up, ‘My dad was in Surulere while we were in Ojuelegba, and he never really came by. I chose my dad over my mum, but he disappointed me. My mum returned to us in 1999, having been away for like two years. She came back, and said she was leaving my dad. She told us to pick who we would be going with, so it doesn’t look like she took his children without their consent. You know now, me that I’m free spirited, I went with my daddy. I thought I could have chilled with daddy because mummy was very strict. My dad then said, ‘oh, go with your mum I will come and visit you.’ That was the first disappointment. I believed in my dad, but he never came. My dad has his problems, he is egocentric. The first time he came, he came to see me in my new school, then he showed up again while I was in the university. He just showed up to use me to brag.
“Also, when I came back from Big Brother, his was the first phone call I received when I put on my phone. I picked up and he said, ‘You have to come and start taking care of me’. I was like, ‘okay dad, I will call you back’. I have forgiven him. I buried him nicely, but I didn’t cry when he died. We never got to talk about how I felt when he was alive because anytime we met it was more about how he wanted to be, and more about him, so I listened”, she added.
On how her background affected her life, Beverly said: “I think I have outgrown the daddy issues, but I have always dated guys way older than I am. I don’t think it is daddy issues, I feel that I am surrounded by boys, and all the men in my life are confident. If we must be together you have to be confident enough to stay in the midst of family. In the past, I always wanted to date people who could control me. Even my girlfriends are standalone chics. I love confident people. She also shared on how her desire to be with older men can be misconstrued to having sugar daddies. “All the older men I have dated, were ‘boyfriends’. I do not want to be another person’s sadness. I love attention, so in that way it has never worked out with another woman’s man for me.”
Source: WithChude, a network of media products across TV, Film and podcasts, telling stories that enable and strengthen the mind, the heart, and the spirit.
