The Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) has assured Nigerians that it is tackling the possible fuel scarcity as the year gets to an end.
The Corporation’s Executive Director, Commercial of the Pipelines and Product Marketing Company (PPMC), a downstream subsidiary of the NNPC, Mr. Justin Ezeala said in a statement that there are currently 66 million litres of petrol in its stock.
“We currently have within our depot 66m litres of PMS, we have our partner depot which is the private depot 118m litres of PMS, marine stock 428m litres and then the major marketers have about 44m litres. These gives us a total of 657m litres and based on our daily consumption estimate of 40m litres we are looking at about 16-and-half days sufficiency.”
Ezeala who asked Nigerians not to embark on panic buying, said that the corporation has begun a 24 hour fuel supply in its depots nationwide to battle the current scarcity, nationwide.
He announced that about 50 trucks loaded with PMS were dispatched today to various filling stations in the FCT, saying that there is enough Premium Motor Spirit (PMS) or petrol to last the country for the next 35 days.[myad]
Governor Adams Oshiomhole of Edo has expressed concern that the $75million World Bank loan recently approved for the state is yet to be received.
The governor who spoke in Benin during a Colloquium organized by the State Government to round off activities marking its 7th year in office, said that said the clarification became necessary to instill confidence in the people that the state government’s ability to pay salaries up to date was not based on the loan, but on prudent management of resources.
He contended that it was not the business of government to do business, adding: “it is rather to create the enabling environment for citizens to make wealth so that government could collect taxes and develop the society.”
He said that government and governance were not value-free, adding that the way forward was to focus on continued development of every sector of the economy.
Oshiomhole said government would strategise to ensure that workers earned their pay and give government value for pay, saying that the government is thinking of reintroducing the dissolved Edo State Traffic Management Agency (EDSTMA) to help manage and control traffic in the state capital.
On aesthetics, the governor said the administration was looking at new approaches to ensure that sweeping of roads in the state capital becomes a permanent norm.
He said he recently approved money for the rebuilding and restoration of the water fountain at the Oba Ovoranmwen Square.
Earlier, Austin Osakue, member of civil society group and discussant, called on the governor to carry out a staff audit of the workforce in the state.
He also said the government should embark on robust engagement of participatory system of governance.
He noted that the governor, since the inception of his administration, was yet to use up 30 per cent of his capacity to encourage participatory system of administration.
Osakue stressed that every sector of government should be included in a discussion that would ensure issues and challenges in the state were discussed with a view to finding a middle ground.
Mr. Femi Falana (SAN) who moderated the discussion, said the forum was to x-ray the present administration as well as use the opportunity to cross fertilise ideas. [myad]
Fifty three students graduated with first class degrees in various disciplines, including the Faculties of Arts, Science, Clinical Science and Public Health in the University of Ibadan (UI).
No fewer than 2,362 graduated from the institution today at the 67th Foundation Day and Convocation 2015 held at the International Conference Centre in Ibadan.
The Ag. Vice-Chancellor of the university, Professor Emilolorun Ayelari, said that 494 had Second Class (Upper Division), 822 secured Second Class (Lower Division), 185 had Third Class, 40 in the Pass category, 177 from unclassified degrees and 48 diplomas.
He said that the 53 first class graduates had become UI scholars, adding that the university would bear the cost of their studies up till their doctorate (PhD) degrees.
Ayelari urged the graduands to be good ambassadors of the institution wherever they find themselves.
Responding on behalf of the graduands, Ms Ejemenare Daodu, from the Faculty of Clinical Sciences, said they had come a long way but thanked God that they had succeeded.
“It was not all rosy. We experienced many challenges. There were times for laughter and times of despair.
“All the challenges we faced have shaped us into intellectuals that we are today,” she said.
Daodu, who secured the highest number of awards at the ceremony, urged the students of the institution to be fully prepared for the task.
She called on the management of the institution to embrace the digital world that is growing fast.
“I look forward to a day when Nigerian students will on admission know the date they will graduate.
“What I mean is an educational system devoid of incessant industrial strikes,” she said.
Alhaji Hazeem Gbolarumi, former Deputy Governor of Oyo State, who graduated from the Faculty of Law, said he was glad he succeeded, despite the his responsibilities.
Ayelari presented the incoming Vice Chancellor of the institution, Professor Idowu Olayinka, to the audience.
President Muhammadu Buhari, today, visited the Malkohi Internally Displaced Persons’Camp in Yola, Adamawa state where he reiterated his administration’s commitment to end Boko Haram insurgency.
“We remain committed to ending Boko Haram, ensuring your safety and welfare, particularly your children and their education. By the grace of God, it’s our wish that you will be at your farm next cropping season.”
Buhari assured the IDPs that government would not only recover their areas but also help in rebuilding destroyed structures particular schools and hospitals.
He lauded Adamawa Government, NEMA and other organizations for their effective handling of the IDPs and assured them of sustained Federal Government’s support.
Governor Muhammadu Jibrilla of Adamawa lauded NEMA for its effort in managing the IDPs in collaboration with the State Government and called for sustained support from Federal Government.
Responding on behalf of the IDPs, Mr. Nicholas Samuel thanked the government for showing concern for their plights and making them to feel at home.
Samuel, who prayed for sustained military victory over the insurgents, expressed their happiness and hopes to return home very soon. [myad]
“Have you congratulated our new Ministers?” “I am still thinking about it, actually. I don’t know whether to congratulate them or to commiserate or to pity some of them. They have merged Ministries that need not be merged. Some Perm Secs are now floating. Six months and this is it?” “What kind of talk is that? You have come again oh.” “I wonder too. At least you can see that round pegs have been put in round holes, and shame on all you doubting Thomases, our government is good to go.” ”Who is talking politics? Can we discuss Nigeria and leave politics out of it? And please, leave that thing about pegs. Some pegs are neither round nor square, they are misshaped.” “Everything is political.” “I know. Very soon, you will also insist that that funny walking stick Ngige was carrying about, like the rod of Moses, is also political.” “Okay, what is your point?” “I have said it before and I repeat it again. I still think whenever Ministers are to be screened by the Senate, their portfolios should be attached. It helps to prepare the prospective Minister mentally. It deepens the screening process, and makes it even more participatory.” “There is no such Constitutional requirement” “Everything doesn’t have to be in the Constitution”. “Okay we have heard. You have said it before. When next we are appointing Ministers, we will disclose their portfolios”. “What do you mean we?” “Na we, now” “Ehen” “See, I usually don’t vote. But this last election, I got my PVC and I voted. Those PDP people already had their cup full. I voted for change.” “Me too.” “But the campaign is over, and I see too many of you still locked in an election mode.” “Na so e be. As I dey sef, I dey wait for 2019. Na for Baba side I dey.” “This Baba syndrome is a problem. It is breeding a culture of mass sycophancy, hypnotism and amnesia” “Grammar!” “When you elevate a government to a semi-divine status, you lose sight of your responsibility to hold government accountable. The ascribed, contrived, or self-imposed divinity of elected officials is a threat to democracy” “I think you should be holding this conversation with your brother, Patrick Obahiagbon, I beg. Simple matter, you want to give somebody headache. One of these days, I will arrange a meeting between you and the Igodomigodo. Any little talk, somebody must look for dictionary. You too dey show. Na only you?” “Leave am make e dey yarn. People who have become Ministers have become Ministers.” “Look at it this way, I know one of those old Ministers. The day he was given a portfolio, a very important one at that, the guy said he didn’t know what the Ministry was all about. I was shocked.” “Well, I am not shocked.” “He ended up creating problems.” “We know.” “So, what usually happens is that when a man takes a Ministry, he had no prior knowledge of, he spends the next six months trying to figure it out.” “That’s why Baba has chosen experienced people who have been in government at senior levels.” “But one of them has said he is there to learn” “Who is that?” “You go and find out.” “If I may play the Devil’s advocate, I think what the man means is that he is open to ideas. As human beings, we are always learning. At the retreat, the point was made clear that this is not a cabinet of learners, but drivers. People who are ready to move things forward.” “Were you there? Suppose they can’t move anything.” “Someone told me. I have my contacts.” “You are just a bloody gossip. The truth is that some Ministers spend the whole time learning and moving nothing” “I see noise-making has started already”. “We don’t need noise. I want to see the change I asked for with my PVC.” “Fashola is the luckiest guy.” “Baba meta, himself.” “What is that?” “Power, Works, Housing. The Holy Trinity of Government.” “E remain make dem add Finance.” “Fashola is mai mhe-en.” “I don’t envy him. I actually sympathise with him. I hope he has not been set up for demystification and disambulation.” “Why don’t you speak like a normal human being?” “Those three key portfolios make him a Super Minister.” “They should just have named him Co-ordinating Minister of the Economy.” “No. We don’t need that. Every Minister is important.” “Fashola in that assignment, I tell you, will need the services of a doctor, a massager, and prayer warriors” “Don’t worry yourself. The man will do it. He performed in Lagos. The moment he left, Lagos shut down. See how Ambode is struggling with Fashola’s big shoes. It is just Fashola’s wife that I pity.” “What has his wife got to do with this? Please.” “You don’t know? This one that they have made him a Baba Meta; I swear, when next the man shoots straight, his wife go born triplets! One for Power, one for Works, and the other for …” “Amaechi wife, na twins that one go born.” “Are you guys alright?” “Wait oh, e be like say na only one Baba give Amaechi. Transportation.” “Na two. Transport not Transportation. Baba has added …ation for Aviation. Amaechi is in charge of Transport. He is in charge of Aviation, add the two: Transportation. Him na Baba Ibeji.” “With control over 15 parastatals/agencies. God! You have his phone number?” “No. I no get. But Baba didn’t treat our brother, JFK well” “He is in charge of Solid Minerals. That is a very strategic Ministry. It is like Agriculture. A developed Solid Minerals sector will further diversify the economy and increase non-oil revenue.” “But na only one they give am.” “Me, I thank God that he has a portfolio. I think PMB gave him Solid Minerals deliberately to please Fayose.” “What has Fayose got to do with this now?” “Everything. You know he was the one who begged President Buhari to give Ekiti state, a solid ministry. He said Ekiti people don’t want any yebuyebu Ministry but a very solid one.” “So?” “So, the President has shown that he listens, and he has given the people of Ekiti State, the Ministry of Solid Minerals!” “You are not okay.” “Ekiti is solid. Whatever Fayemi is able to do in that Ministry, his efforts will be appreciated. But as for Amaechi and Fashola, well…” “Who is in charge of Niger Delta? That is another strategic Ministry” “Na Pastor they put there oh. Pastor Uguru.” “Me, I just hope the man knows that that is not a Ministry where you go and chop guguru oh. It is an important portfolio.” “If Uguru likes, let him chop guguru. As long as he does not chop alone, and the people of the Niger Delta get enough popcorn too.” “But wait a moment, is that not the same Pastor who during the Ministerial screening swore that God forbids him having anything to do with PDP members?” “He didn’t swear. He said it.” “He will probably need a one-on-one retreat with President Buhari. This is a government of nobody and a government of everybody.” “Hey! Even our critics are beginning to quote us as if they are quoting the Bible. Patapata we go win again o, winner! ” “Just tell your Uguru that he is not an APC Minister, but a Minister of the Federal Republic, whose doors must be open to everyone.” “Hen, hen. Are you looking for contract already, or a consultancy? Do I give you the man’s number?” “I don’t need his number. I am making commonsense” “Oh, you want to become another Ben Bruce, the commonsense Senator? He goes about saying he is making commonsense.” “He is right. We need commonsense” “We don’t need commonsense. Too much commonsense caused all our problems. What we need is uncommon sense, to get rid of common nonsense. Tell him.” “Who is in charge of Finance?” “That’s the Ogun State Ministry” “What do you mean Ogun State Ministry? I am asking you who is the new Super Minister in charge of our money?” “She is from Ogun State. Kemi Adeosun; she speaks fone.” “I hope she won’t become a Madame No.” “Madam what?” “Madam No Money. “Nobody will try that with us. We will tell that person what to do” “This is part of the problem with governance; too many people claiming to know what should be done. I don’t remember PMB making you a Minister, adviser or errand boy. When these Ministers start failing, we will talk again.” “Leave us alone, I beg. It is our turn…” [myad]
Facts emerging have put a lie to the claim by Senator Dino Melaye, representing Kogi West Senatorial District that Remita, a payment platform owned by SystemSpecs, is milking the country by charging one percent as fee on all transactions in the Treasury Single Account (TSA).
A letter issued by the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), on December 17, 2013 and circulated to all Deposit Money Banks has rubbished Senator Melaye’s claim.
In the letter titled “Commencement of Federal Government independent revenue collection under the Treasury Single Account (TSA) initiative,” the CBN agreed that “a fee of 1% of funds collected is payable; and this would be shared by solution provider and participating banks.”
It was learnt that the apex bank, before choosing Remita as gateway, examined existing local and foreign infrastructures before its endorsement and choice of the platform.
It was further learnt that apart from approaching NIBSS; a company owned by all Nigeria banks; including the CBN, the apex bank also reviewed the suitability of RTGS provided by CMA, a foreign software house, and was convinced about its unsuitability before SystemSpecs’ Remita was considered.
According to facts sourced online and via the company website, Remita is a payment platform and not a company as many, including Senator Melaye would want the upper chamber to believe.
Media reports also claimed that SystemSpecs; owner of Remita-the CBN licensed payment gateway has been in existence for about 23years while Remita has been holding sway in the electronic payments space for about 10 years- long before the advent of TSA.
It was revealed that during evaluation, the CBN’s requirement-which was an integrated platform that connect to the banks and CBN’s platform, appeared beyond the reach of locally available solution.
It was gathered that to make the selection process transparent, the CBN invited other companies to participate in the bidding as was the required procedure. CBN sources said Remita was offered the TSA project because of its unique capabilities to deliver on the requirement.
Facts also showed that the Office of the Accountant General of the Federation (OAGF), and the World Bank supported the project and its evaluation. “After due diligence, the contract was given to Systemspecs to deploy Remita as the CBN TSA Payment Gateway,” the CBN source said.
On the Kogi Senator’s disclosure that Remita is a collection agent, the CBN source said: “TSA is not just about collections, but payment and collection. The payment component started since January 2012 with little or no resistance. However, Collections which will have greatest impact on the economy by curbing corruption and blocking leakages was frustrated and repeatedly delayed until the new administration came in and insisted it must take off.” [myad]
A Federal High Court in Abuja has ordered the Department of State Services (DSS) to allow former National Security Adviser (NSA), retired Colonel Sambo Dasuki, to travel out of the country for medical treatment. Giving the order to the DSS today, Justice Ademola Adeniyi, said Sambo must be allowed to travel immediately. Ademola told M.S. Labaran, counsel to the DSS, to tell his client to immediately comply with the November 3 order of the court. “Court order must be obeyed. What is wrong in the defendant travelling and coming back to face trial? “Only a fit person can stand for trial and investigation. My own orders will not be flouted.” Dasuki had approached the court to plead for the enforcement of its earlier order of November 3 that he could travel for three weeks to seek medical assistance for his ailment. [myad]
“Nobody wants MTN to die. Nobody wants MTN to shut down.”
These were the words of the new minister of Communications, Adebayo Shittu when he spoke to Reuters in an interview today.
He emphasized that Nigeria would not want MTN to quit the country because of a $5.2bn fine imposed last month, just as the deadline for paying the money falls on next Monday.
The minister said that the period for the enforcement of the judgment has not yet passed, adding that the company has sent top executives to Abuja to try to negotiate a way out.
On the level of the talks so far between the African mobile phone giant and the government, Shittu simply said: “nothing before me”.
“If any new thing would happen, there must be initiative from concerned quarters. It is up to MTN.”
The fine, if fully enforced, would amount to more than the past two years of profit for MTN in its biggest market.
The fine is based on $1,000 per outstanding unregistered SIM card, as stipulated by Nigerian telecommunications laws, although most analysts expect some sort of a reduction.
Nigeria accounts for 37% of revenues for MTN, which operates in more than 20 countries in Africa and the Middle East. Since the announcement of the fine, its shares have lost nearly 25% of their value.
Nigeria has been pushing telecom operators to verify the identity of subscribers due to concerns that unregistered SIM cards are being used for criminal activity or even by Boko Haram militants waging an Islamist insurgency in the northeast. [myad]
Kogi State Government has started refunding N276,769,400 West African Examinations Council (WAEC) fees to 24,172 parents across the State.
The exercise, which started today with the issuance of cheque leaves to concerned students of St. Augustine Grammar School, Kabba, was in line with an earlier promise of the state government to refund the fees.
Chairman of Verification and Reconciliation Committee set up by the state government, Professor Mathew Ajibero, said that the refund was for students who sat for 2014/2015 WAEC examinations.
He said that the committee was able to establish that only 24,172 sat for that the examinations in the state, adding that each of them will receive N11,500 being the amount paid by their parents as WAEC fee.
He added that through the verification, the committee was able to save over N200 million from N515 million initially brought forward for payment.
Ajibero said that the committee, in the course of its assignment, engaged officials of the Ministry of Education and Teaching Service Commission for adequate fact finding.
Other members of the committee are Hajia Ladi Ibrahim and Ibrahim Odoma.
Speaking on behalf of the benefitting students, Master Ayo Michael described the development as a surprise, and commended Wada for being a man of his words.
“Wada has proven to the younger generations that he is truly a leader that keeps promise and lead with the fear of God.” [myad]
President Muhammadu Buhari has made it clear to the new federal permanent secretaries that this is not a good time for Nigeria in terms of socio-economic well-being.
“This at a time when the nation’s economy and revenue base are very low will task the capability and capacity of any Government. This is why you have been chosen and you should all regard your appointments as an emergency call to duty.”
President Buhari, who spoke while swearing at the Presidential Villa, Abuja, the 18 newly appointed Permanent Secretaries, reminded them that expectations of Nigerians from the government were high, restating his resolve to create jobs and diversify the economy.
“Permanent Secretaries are the Chief Advisers to their respective Ministers and are responsible for safeguarding public funds and ensuring the propriety of expenditures under their control. They are also responsible for coordinating their respective bureaucracies, as well as, ensuring effective implementation of all approved Government programmes and policies.
“I must, however, sound a note of warning. It is within public domain that Ministers as Chief Executives of their Ministries as well as other Government officials involved in policy formulation and implementation often complain of the intolerable levels of incompetence, indifference or even suspected sabotage by some of the top echelon of the Civil Service.
“Even where Permanent Secretaries, in some instances, are exempted from these accusations, they are still responsible and liable for failing to provide the required leadership, control and direction.
“This Administration will not condone any excesses, indifference, incompetence, and corrupt practices in any form. Permanent Secretaries are therefore advised to note these words of caution and disseminate them to all Civil Servants accordingly.
“I am sure the Permanent Secretaries and all other Civil Servants appreciate the fact that I have always considered the Civil Service as an indispensable reservoir of experience, expertise and loyalty. I, therefore, consider the Service as a dependable ally in my quest to change this country for the better.”
The president who congratulated the permanent secretaries on their appointments also tasked them on financial prudence.
“This Government was voted into power by popular mandate to implement clearly articulated programmes and policies to re-generate and re-invigorate the national economy. The main focus is to create employment for the youth, fight corruption, tackle insecurity, and diversify our economic base with emphasis on agricultural development, solid minerals exploitation, as well as provision of infrastructural services.
“In keeping with the change mantra of this Administration the process for your selection as Permanent Secretaries was a departure from the previous practice of administering written and oral examinations. Instead, a more rigorous selection process, entailing vigorous screening of candidates’ past records, potential and capacity for holding the office, integrity, honesty and sense of commitment was adopted
“I believe this new selection technique will have, hopefully brought up to light some of the best, dedicated, patriotic and hardworking Civil Servants to hold this position of trust. It is my hope that your subsequent conduct and performance will not prove this Administration wrong”, he said.
Meanwhile, 16 out of the newly appointed Permanent Secretaries took the oath of office. They were Ayotunde Adesugba, Taiwo Abidogun, Dr. Bukar Hassan, Mrs. Wakama Belema Asifieka, Mr. Jalal Ahmad Arabi, Mr. Sabiu Zakar, Mrs. Obiageli Phyllis Nwokedi, Mr. Aminu Nabegu,
Others were Mr. Alo Williams Nwankwo, Dr. Shehu Ahmed, Mr. Ogbonnaya Innocent Kalu, Mrs. Nuratu Jimoh Batagarawa, Mr. Christian Chinyeaka Ohaa, Mr. Bassey Apkanyung, Mr. Louis Edozien, Dr. Ugo Roy
However, two other Permanent Secretaries who were absent at the inauguration were said to have travelled out of the country on official capacity. They were Mr. Bamgbose Olukunle Oladele and Alhaji Mahmoud Isa-Dutse. [myad]
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The Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) has assured Nigerians that it is tackling the possible fuel scarcity as the year gets to an end.
Super Ministers And Other Stories, By Reuben Abati
“Have you congratulated our new Ministers?”
“I am still thinking about it, actually. I don’t know whether to congratulate them or to commiserate or to pity some of them. They have merged Ministries that need not be merged. Some Perm Secs are now floating. Six months and this is it?”
“What kind of talk is that? You have come again oh.”
“I wonder too. At least you can see that round pegs have been put in round holes, and shame on all you doubting Thomases, our government is good to go.”
”Who is talking politics? Can we discuss Nigeria and leave politics out of it? And please, leave that thing about pegs. Some pegs are neither round nor square, they are misshaped.”
“Everything is political.”
“I know. Very soon, you will also insist that that funny walking stick Ngige was carrying about, like the rod of Moses, is also political.”
“Okay, what is your point?”
“I have said it before and I repeat it again. I still think whenever Ministers are to be screened by the Senate, their portfolios should be attached. It helps to prepare the prospective Minister mentally. It deepens the screening process, and makes it even more participatory.”
“There is no such Constitutional requirement”
“Everything doesn’t have to be in the Constitution”.
“Okay we have heard. You have said it before. When next we are appointing Ministers, we will disclose their portfolios”.
“What do you mean we?”
“Na we, now”
“Ehen”
“See, I usually don’t vote. But this last election, I got my PVC and I voted. Those PDP people already had their cup full. I voted for change.”
“Me too.”
“But the campaign is over, and I see too many of you still locked in an election mode.”
“Na so e be. As I dey sef, I dey wait for 2019. Na for Baba side I dey.”
“This Baba syndrome is a problem. It is breeding a culture of mass sycophancy, hypnotism and amnesia”
“Grammar!”
“When you elevate a government to a semi-divine status, you lose sight of your responsibility to hold government accountable. The ascribed, contrived, or self-imposed divinity of elected officials is a threat to democracy”
“I think you should be holding this conversation with your brother, Patrick Obahiagbon, I beg. Simple matter, you want to give somebody headache. One of these days, I will arrange a meeting between you and the Igodomigodo. Any little talk, somebody must look for dictionary. You too dey show. Na only you?”
“Leave am make e dey yarn. People who have become Ministers have become Ministers.”
“Look at it this way, I know one of those old Ministers. The day he was given a portfolio, a very important one at that, the guy said he didn’t know what the Ministry was all about. I was shocked.”
“Well, I am not shocked.”
“He ended up creating problems.”
“We know.”
“So, what usually happens is that when a man takes a Ministry, he had no prior knowledge of, he spends the next six months trying to figure it out.”
“That’s why Baba has chosen experienced people who have been in government at senior levels.”
“But one of them has said he is there to learn”
“Who is that?”
“You go and find out.”
“If I may play the Devil’s advocate, I think what the man means is that he is open to ideas. As human beings, we are always learning. At the retreat, the point was made clear that this is not a cabinet of learners, but drivers. People who are ready to move things forward.”
“Were you there? Suppose they can’t move anything.”
“Someone told me. I have my contacts.”
“You are just a bloody gossip. The truth is that some Ministers spend the whole time learning and moving nothing”
“I see noise-making has started already”.
“We don’t need noise. I want to see the change I asked for with my PVC.”
“Fashola is the luckiest guy.”
“Baba meta, himself.”
“What is that?”
“Power, Works, Housing. The Holy Trinity of Government.”
“E remain make dem add Finance.”
“Fashola is mai mhe-en.”
“I don’t envy him. I actually sympathise with him. I hope he has not been set up for demystification and disambulation.”
“Why don’t you speak like a normal human being?”
“Those three key portfolios make him a Super Minister.”
“They should just have named him Co-ordinating Minister of the Economy.”
“No. We don’t need that. Every Minister is important.”
“Fashola in that assignment, I tell you, will need the services of a doctor, a massager, and prayer warriors”
“Don’t worry yourself. The man will do it. He performed in Lagos. The moment he left, Lagos shut down. See how Ambode is struggling with Fashola’s big shoes. It is just Fashola’s wife that I pity.”
“What has his wife got to do with this? Please.”
“You don’t know? This one that they have made him a Baba Meta; I swear, when next the man shoots straight, his wife go born triplets! One for Power, one for Works, and the other for …”
“Amaechi wife, na twins that one go born.”
“Are you guys alright?”
“Wait oh, e be like say na only one Baba give Amaechi. Transportation.”
“Na two. Transport not Transportation. Baba has added …ation for Aviation. Amaechi is in charge of Transport. He is in charge of Aviation, add the two: Transportation. Him na Baba Ibeji.”
“With control over 15 parastatals/agencies. God! You have his phone number?”
“No. I no get. But Baba didn’t treat our brother, JFK well”
“He is in charge of Solid Minerals. That is a very strategic Ministry. It is like Agriculture. A developed Solid Minerals sector will further diversify the economy and increase non-oil revenue.”
“But na only one they give am.”
“Me, I thank God that he has a portfolio. I think PMB gave him Solid Minerals deliberately to please Fayose.”
“What has Fayose got to do with this now?”
“Everything. You know he was the one who begged President Buhari to give Ekiti state, a solid ministry. He said Ekiti people don’t want any yebuyebu Ministry but a very solid one.”
“So?”
“So, the President has shown that he listens, and he has given the people of Ekiti State, the Ministry of Solid Minerals!”
“You are not okay.”
“Ekiti is solid. Whatever Fayemi is able to do in that Ministry, his efforts will be appreciated. But as for Amaechi and Fashola, well…”
“Who is in charge of Niger Delta? That is another strategic Ministry”
“Na Pastor they put there oh. Pastor Uguru.”
“Me, I just hope the man knows that that is not a Ministry where you go and chop guguru oh. It is an important portfolio.”
“If Uguru likes, let him chop guguru. As long as he does not chop alone, and the people of the Niger Delta get enough popcorn too.”
“But wait a moment, is that not the same Pastor who during the Ministerial screening swore that God forbids him having anything to do with PDP members?”
“He didn’t swear. He said it.”
“He will probably need a one-on-one retreat with President Buhari. This is a government of nobody and a government of everybody.”
“Hey! Even our critics are beginning to quote us as if they are quoting the Bible. Patapata we go win again o, winner! ”
“Just tell your Uguru that he is not an APC Minister, but a Minister of the Federal Republic, whose doors must be open to everyone.”
“Hen, hen. Are you looking for contract already, or a consultancy? Do I give you the man’s number?”
“I don’t need his number. I am making commonsense”
“Oh, you want to become another Ben Bruce, the commonsense Senator? He goes about saying he is making commonsense.”
“He is right. We need commonsense”
“We don’t need commonsense. Too much commonsense caused all our problems. What we need is uncommon sense, to get rid of common nonsense. Tell him.”
“Who is in charge of Finance?”
“That’s the Ogun State Ministry”
“What do you mean Ogun State Ministry? I am asking you who is the new Super Minister in charge of our money?”
“She is from Ogun State. Kemi Adeosun; she speaks fone.”
“I hope she won’t become a Madame No.”
“Madam what?”
“Madam No Money.
“Nobody will try that with us. We will tell that person what to do”
“This is part of the problem with governance; too many people claiming to know what should be done. I don’t remember PMB making you a Minister, adviser or errand boy. When these Ministers start failing, we will talk again.”
“Leave us alone, I beg. It is our turn…” [myad]