Let’s Introduce Pre-Marriage Training By Muhammad Jameel Yusha’u
Muhammad Jameel Yusha’uBetween 2007 and 2008, I had the privilege of managing an Islamic center in Sheffield. It was an experience I would always cherish because it brought me closer to the community. The Muslim community in Sheffield is one of the best I have ever interacted with.
That experience taught me what it means to work for a community, and understand that for a society to succeed, people have to come together, identify their problems and work towards finding a lasting solution to them. Sheffield is a friendly city. Some people call it the village city, and the Muslim community comprises of different nationalities: Pakistanis, Yemenis, Somalis, Caribbean’s as well as the English.
One of the key problems we found at the time was the high rate of divorce among the community. Though the issue of divorce is common even among the host community, but certainly everyone should be concerned about the rate of divorce in any society because of its implication on the wider environment. Delinquency, prostitution, depression, poverty are some of the common results of family breakdown. A child requires the two parents to taste the delicacy of parenthood.
So what was the way out?
Of course, the cases that come on daily basis require urgent solutions; from reconciliation to marriage counselling etc. The Center decided that the best way to confront this social problem was by arresting it from the root. That is ensuring that young people have enough training on issues related to marriage before tying the knot.
So a date was set for the training during a bank holiday (the name of public holidays in the UK), when most kids were at home. Gladly, the parents cooperated by bringing their children and even those who are married and registered for the training.
The workshop included a talk by a Muslim scholar who discussed the concept of marriage in Islam, the roles and responsibilities of the husband and the wife, and how Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) managed his household.
Other working sessions during the workshop included personality traits by asking the participants to identify the best traits for a potential wife or husband; how to communicate those traits to the potential spouse etc. Other issues included managing disputes, family upkeep, especially for those with little resources, and strategies to ensure that couples remain happy after the honey moon period is over. In fact, there was a session by a good friend who has been married for 20 years sharing his experience with the participants on how the journey lasted without a major marital crack.
Even in Nigeria, some communities are making efforts like this. Though it may not solve the problem of divorce completely, but at least, it will contribute in making the youth understand such important responsibility, and perhaps work hard to ensure that marriages survive.
I was motivated to write this piece after listening to a message that has gone viral on the social networking application, WhatsApp. Of course, the content was meant to entertain as with many messages like that on WhatsApp, but it also reveals the psyche among our youths.
The message was from a school teacher who just finished her lesson, and asked the pupils to listen to her prayers and respond with Amin. The teacher wanted a good husband, religious, handsome, rich, whose mother is dead, who will sponsor her for Hajj and Umra regularly, support her to travel abroad, love her excessively, someone who is patient like a donkey, reserved, and one she will control with ease.
Bachelors, I hope you are listening!
The teacher did not stop there. She is seeking refuge from marrying a poor person (talaka) who would make her travel by foot, or live in a mud-house, and whose relatives would not bother her etc.
The prayer was full of dreams that can only be found in a dream. Yes it was entertaining, but beyond the surface of the entertainment is a coded message on the mentality of our youth.
Both boys and girls are only thinking of the greener side of life as I explained in previous series on Kayan daki and Marital Stability in Hausaland.
No wonder marriages crash because neither of the parties can manage the expectation of the other party. It is time for Islamic organizations, especially in Northern Nigeria to take this issue seriously by preparing the youth for this important responsibility before it is too late.
No matter how little, such premarital training could contribute in reducing the number of
zaurawa (divorcees) in our society.
Read More Articles From This Author: Muhammad Jameel Yusha-u
Parents of the Pupils of Vine International Academy school at Nyanya, the area that had witnessed two Boko Haram’s bomb blasts on April 14 and last week, beseiged the school to retrieve their children today as news filtered in that unknown gunmen attempted to abduct the pupils.
Nigerian troops are reported to be massing to launch an assault on the Boko Haram enclave in Sambisa forest to free hundreds of schoolgirls kidnapped whom they abducted from their school a fortnight ago, even as the Senate President, David Mark insisted on full military action against the sect as it is now clear that they are trying the will of the government and Nigerians.
What Exactly Is Going On In Chibok, Borno? By Josephine Babatunde
Rarely are the real mothers of the girls seen these days on television as some really concerned women and opportunists have taken the centre stage and relishing the attendant publicity pushing the parents to the background.
But at least, some measures of good are coming from the situation as a stakeholders’ meeting by First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, has come up with a startling revelation that the recalcitrance of Governors Murtala Nyako of Borno State, Kashim Shettima of Borno and Ibrahim Geidam of Yobe may have inadvertently left the nation with this nauseating situation.
Head of the West African Examination Council (WAEC), Nigerian Office, Charles Eguridu, told the
stakeholders gathered with Mrs. Jonathan the fertile ground that led to the abduction of the girls was laid, after its request to the state governments for the relocation of the examination centre was ignored.
His story: “When we made that representation (letter) to the three affected states, none of them responded to
the honourable minister’s request.
“We followed it up and I directed my zonal coordinator in Borno state in particular, to liaise with the Ministry of Education in Borno State, and the response we got was so disheartening. We were told that they had security in place for the candidates and that we should come and conduct the examination in the schools and that they were not ready to relocate their students from Chibok and other areas to Maiduguri or nearby locations where security agencies could provide security.
“They said if we failed to conduct the examinations, the world would blame us. And so at great risk, my officers went to Chibok and conducted the examinations.
“After the unfortunate incident in which the students were said to have been abducted, our staff now got a response from the state that they were then ready to relocate the remaining students to another place called Ubah. And, as I speak, 189 candidates are continuing with the examination in Ubah.”
While the most important move now is to get our daughters back home to us, away from the wicked and ravenous wolves that keep them, it is about time someone told the All Progressives Congress (APC) governors of these three states that while they may choose to play politics over other matters, they should not do it at the risk of the lives of our children. In addition, political gymnastics with the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) controlled federal government may be acceptable in some circumstances, but playing politics with a sub-regional agency is the basest of political behaviour. See where it has led the state government.
And who is to say the Borno State government is not to blame? While this is not the best of times for blame-sharing, it has become increasingly clear that the federal government should cease wanting to do what is politically correct and impose full and comprehensive emergency rule in the three states of the north-east, more so when the governors are intemperate.
Away from irresponsible leaders, the federal government should bring to bear, its mighty weight upon the French-colonised countries of Niger, Cameroon, and Chad.
A few oil deals the way of France may work the wonders that is required to bend France over backwards, while a strong message is delivered to these countries like General Muhammadu Buhari did in the early 80s when a similar group toyed with our territorial integrity.
That bloody nose still remains fresh in the mind of our neighbours and a reiteration of our capacity to do it on a larger scale is needed at this time so that enemies without and within will know better not to mess with the federal government.
Still on the matter of the kidnapped girls, it is a wonder that those who claim to be our international friends with all the technologies in space were oblivious of the movement of the fanatics who moved around and captured 200 girls and redistributed them across countries as it has been claimed in some quarters.
Friends, indeed! Also, while contributing to debates on the floor of the National Assembly, lawmakers regaled the nation with the activities of the so-called Boko Haram operatives, including how they were marrying the abducted girls. It makes you wonder how they know so much so soon.
Moreover, how come our daughters are escaping from the insurgents when it appears the army is helpless. So, what exactly is going on in Chibok, Borno State?
Josephine contributed this piece from Festac Town, Lagos.